The Why

anne english holding i like you book

Why I started Chaos & Contemplatio

I lived a large portion of my life thinking that I was living the life that I wanted to lead.  I spent my days and nights spinning as fast as I could toward whatever checkpoint I thought was next, without giving much thought to why I wanted to get there, or who I was trying to please.  

When I finally sat still and let those questions rise to the surface, I realized my life had nothing in common with what my soul needed.  It took me a long time to admit that the life I had worked so hard to achieve was not what I wanted, and even longer to change it, but I did.  

I pieced together a story for my life, the big picture plot, and changed everything until I finally started thinking –  “I like that story, that’s a story I want to be a part of. I don’t want to miss a second of that life.

Even with that experience, I still find myself being pulled back into old thought patterns, old ideas of who I am, what I am capable of, and who gets to decide.  So I have to keep checking in with my intuition, keep checking in with my heart, and keep resisting that pull toward something else.

I want my life to be intentional, to move away from the default expectations that I learned along the way.  From the big picture ideas to the minute decisions.

I believe that we are all capable of living an intentional life – a life that is, at it’s core, like the eye of a hurricane, still and centered, aligned with the values that we hold most dear.  I believe that we can steer the direction of our life – our decisions, our conversations, our relationships – from that place, even while the winds of life swirl around us. I believe that if we keep re-centering, keep clarifying those core values, and rooting down into them, we can stay strong as circumstances pull us away from that still and steady core.

I’m not an expert (just ask my husband).  I don’t have all the answers.

It’s the questions that are important.  

Let us explore the questions.  

Let us be vulnerable.  

Let us be courageous.

Let this be a place to forge connection, for cheerfully finding community. For figuring out how to find joy and clarity amidst the everyday. Let us seek an authentic life, a life true to ourselves, a life that is filled with passion and ease and meaningful connections.  Let us share our stories, and the stories of others, along our meandering paths.